Politics of the Scrotum

 Dear Mr Malema 

You are clearly having a ball.  After the highly successful shutdown had everyone quaking with laugh...,I mean, in their boots, you informed members of Parliament that you have them all by the scrotum. 

No one can accuse you of not being innovative.  Africa is renowned for politics of the stomach, with South Africa a continent leader. You have now introduced politics of the scrotum. 

Just some advice, sir. The scrotum is defined as the external sac that encloses the testicles. This could be why your recent vote of no confidence was unsuccessful. The MP's may have experienced your ministrations as a fondling rather than punishment. You need to take a firmer, more encompassing grip. Perhaps the next vote of no confidence.

I am singularly impressed by your poetic, statesmanlike oratory. You blew Mister Mbeki's'  'I am an African' speech away. Your style is reminiscent of a sort of Daily Sun's  Churchill or Kennedy,  Life promises to be most interesting when  you become president of what's left of South Africa.  I can imagine you calling Kamala Harris. 

"Ms Harris, I am calling about preferential trade treatment for South Africa."

That's an interesting subject,:Mr Malema. Please do go on."

"You have no choice."

"I don't understand."

"Because I have you by the...."  Long pause.

"Mr Malema?"

"Er, Ms Harris, I'll call you back. "

"Floyd, Mbuyiseni!!"

 One can picture you at international leadership meetings. I see every male leader instinctively covering his nether regions at your approach. Of course this would exclude such comrades as Putin and the Cuban bloke, whose southern extremities would remain safe. 

Now, sir if you could  just put the squeeze on crime, our economic problems, our pathetic education, unemployment and the other two dozen challenges that we face. We could say, like a famous son of the ANC, who was rumoured to also have an interest in matters anatomical : "We gonna be alright".

 I am glad that you did not go for the jugular but further afield, because that has not worked with our portly politicians. Who knows? As we are squeezed in this mill, perhaps the answer does lie in the scrotal manipulation approach. Talking of squeezing,  is your preferred technique the squeeze, the twist or the  hearty tug? Or all of the above. This is very important for the world of political discourse going forward.  I imagine that those with whom you interact in this fashion would be going backward. 

There is your humility,  your grasp of global issues, your calm, restrained, practical, pragmatic approach to the challenges of South Africa, your old-fashioned courtesy.  Add this modern approach to political oratory and we have the complete statesman. I see political wannabes all over the world imitating your unique style. The squeeze gesture will probably become the standard in parliaments from Tibet to Timbuktu. Well done, sir. You are the example of the eloquent,  consummate, fire-eating African politician. You are a credit to your country and your continent. Africa applauds you.

Yours in the struggle for meaningful political intercourse.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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