EFFU

Dear Mr Malema 

I have formed a party called EFFU. 

I am writing to confirm that you have no objection to the  coincidental, passing resemblance to your own outfit's name. After all, the U makes all the difference, just as it does in service to the people. As a humble, dedicated, self-effacing servant of the nation, you know this.

 

The Elderly Fascist Fighters United party will fight for rights and recognition for senior citizens. This excludes the many in parliament, who are already fairly well catered for in terms of basic needs (A couple of cars, houses, free transportation, KFC etc.).

Senior citizens have  long endured neglectful and callous treatment from fat cat politicians, uncivil servants and uncaring businesses.  For but one example,  I refer you to queues for pensions, medical treatment and government 'services'. They are on the 

receiving end of 'the proud man's contumely, the insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes' (thanks Bill). You

may have heard of the VBS saga. No? I shall send you some Pauli van Wyk articles.  A caution: I am not sure that she isn't one of those Stratcom journalists under the spell of George Soros and the tobacco fellow (not Mazzotti; the Stellenbosch chap).

There is already feverish interest in the party from senior citizens and a smattering of illegal immigrants. There will be no marching for our party.  Queues at such models of service excellence as Home Affairs are hard enough on legs and knees. Tai Chi sessions in public parks, with the odd shouted slogan will nicely discharge our PR obligations. For the rest, what the hell is social media for? If not for an hour such as this.  Who knows, after 20 March your ground forces, too,  might wish to consider this approach.

 

Sir, as one whose  powerful party has danced aloft the heights of 0.7 and almost 5 percent in recent polls, your guidance in some matters would be appreciated. 

We do already know about the power of  promises that you can't keep..., sorry, renege on, made to desperate people. We've read the histories of various  politicians from the 1930s. We are more  interested in the following:

Will our MPs be able to maintain a lifestyle like yours on their  salaries or will they need side hustled such as tenders?

How do you survive those intriguing encounters with court-related matters?

Who knows when one, in the performance of duties, may need to jostle a police officer, without any malign intent? Or to fire off a toy AK47 in innocent celebration? 

Your colourful pronouncements never land you in hot water. I was once sued for calling someone a pig - the swine! Your secret, sir? You have a fine line in insults. I see that you do draw the line at the C-word. Dare I mention it - 'cockroach'. Quite right. They are revolting creatures, revelling in muck and feeding off us.

Your answers to these frequently asked questions will be invaluable to our fledgling party, as we strive to advance the cause of the disadvantaged.

Yours in the struggle for peaceful democratic discourse within the rule of law.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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