We are fully conscious of the significance of our mission for stability, peace and goodwill in the region.
Our carefully selected team was made up of persons of integrity, wisdom and experience. I commissioned a military aircraft to fly us post-haste to Azanier. Cognizant of the need for speed and, simultaneously, thrift, we saved on precious fuel by using the hot air generated during our deep, philosophical discussions. You could say we were aces high.
Contrary to what the WMC media would have us believe, all was light, sunshine, wine and roses in Azanier. There is definitely no crisis here. Nothing to make one's hair stand on end. Joy abounds. People, gaily attired in scarlet, danced in the streets, singing, no doubt, a local version of Kumbaya.
There were peaceful protests against some product, marred only by a few third force elements. A few accidental fires were started. Local law and order forces showed remarkable restraint.
Typically, a very few wild-eyed fanatics accused them of not doing their duty. Their sterling performance during the savage battles against tobacco and alcohol smugglers gives this the lie.
The disagreement over shaving cream, or something, was settled in admirable, civilized fashion. An exchange of views, vows and gifts. A few citizens were still in a lather. There's no pleasing everyone.
As for police brutality, corruption, repression, we saw none of this in our 24 hours on the soil of Azanier. The hotel was excellent, the hospitality outstanding. We recommend the local steak.
Our sacred duty done, we returned to Zutopia.
James Cuck
Commander
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