In The Name Of Freedom

Dear Fellow South Africans 

 I thank the ANC and Mr Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe. I have been wrestling with problems of horrific debt and everything else that makes South Africa no country for old men - or anyone else who is not an ANC cadre or politicopreneur.

 I have adopted their novel, courageous approach to facing down the elephants in the room. I have renamed myself and my dogs. My street comes next. 'Fir Avenue' reeks of all things colonial. White Christmases, large, red jacketed men on reindeer - drawn sleighs and other hateful reminders of our colonial past. I removed the garden gnome  - another bearded white person. I was about to throw out the refrigerator when I spotted a half-dozen Castles and a wedge of cheese in it. I renamed it instead. 

 I have written to all my creditors, pointing out that usury is quintessentially a foreign, colonial invention. I have asked them to join me in breaking the chains so that we both may be free at last. 

 This is not solely about me and my struggles. I have drawn up a list of helpful renaming suggestions for our leaders. One example: William Nicol to William Nick All. In line with our culture. Easy and less confusing to adapt to.

 Complementing that patriotic initiative, I am careful about appropriate education for the kids. No Ali Baba And The Forty Thieves for them. Baba And The Forty Thousand Thieves is far more culturally correct for our part of the world.

 I do my part. 

 Yours in the struggle to rename our way to peace and prosperity.

 Richard