Friday, 18 September 2020

Trump, Zille, All Atwitter

Dear Mr Trump 

I voted for you in the last election. My vote was discounted on the flimsy justification that I am South African. Damned Democrats. I wear American clothes, eat KFC, use American Express and drink Starbucks coffee (in great quantities). I am going to try an online vote this time and we hope to carry you into the house as the comrades carried Tony Yengeni into the other house.

 Be that as it may. I read some years ago that you and Ms Zille may be addicted to / enslaved by Twitter ('verslaaf' was the Afrikaans word used). As one who keeps himself pure and aloof from the fleshly temptations of the cyberworld, I offer this. I have long suspected that Twitter and other social media are the infernal tools of the enemy of mankind. One hears of such sinister things as trolls, bots and 'Twitter gaol'. What next? Twitter executions?

 Sir, I have noticed that your ran...sorry....tweets have become increasingly numerous and, er, weighty. I fear that World War Three may be triggered by Twitter activity. Perhaps even fought on Twitter. You seem to be making strides in that direction. Ms Zille, in contrast, has been relatively restrained of late, I think. It may be that she has been taking the cure I am about to offer you.

 If you can see your way clear to a sponsored visit, I can offer you a case of quality mampoer. It's been known to awake people from a deep coma. Some rooibos, videos of famous Springbok rugby victories (the Bafana video went missing) and a five minute video entitled 'Wise Words Of South African Politicians' complete the cure. A pleasant, painless rehabilitation programme.

 A White House tour and a brief chat on foreign policy (walling techniques etc.) will be adequate compensation. 

Yours in the struggle against human trafficking. 

Richard

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