Invictus Too

Invictus Too

Wednesday, September 20th, 2017

Dear Alistair

I was most distressed to see video footage of people burning Springbok jerseys. I could not help but think what a nice price they would have fetched at the Germiston traffic lights. Economists do the Big Mac comparison.I find the Streetwise Two equivalent calculation quite useful.It was indeed troubling to see the equivalent of so many of those colourful boxes go up in flames.

Enough of economics. We face a time of trial as has not been seen since the great rinderpest plague. Dark forces in dark rugby kit threaten the very fabric of our rainbow - hued existence. I foresee an increase in Spur spats, parliamentary punch ups and more, should we not stem the black tide I am surprised that flags are not flying at half mast. Could this be the swart gevaar warned of in times past?.

As an anthem - humming patriot and staunch Springbok supporter since democracy first lighted on our shores like the Starship Enterprise landing on some dark, forbidding, alien planet, I offer a solution. Who can pass a ball with a flick of the wrist defter than that of the fleetest French flyhalf? None other than our own Msholozi. Asked about diplomatic immunity for the cable - wielding lady, he flicked that one on with: ‘I am not a lawyer.’ Alistair, you must get him on the coaching staff without delay. He has waltzed out of more tight scrums and loose mauls unscathed, than all our front- rankers combined. Another fleet of foot, nimble member of your coaching staff has to be Des van Rooyen. He slipped into and out of the finance portfolio faster than we can blink, completing the job of a finance minister in one weekend. These men have invaluable experience to offer.

I suggest that Gwede be roped in to handle pre - match press conferences. That should thoroughly confuse the opposition. At team talks, his reassuring growl will give our men heart, without the necessity of anything intelligible actually being said.
We also need a counter to the intimidating haka. What better than a stirring Zulu dance to a rousing chorus of ‘Umshini Wami’.

There. Alistair, I am sure that you can already see light at the end of the player’s tunnel.

Yours in defence and attack.

Richard