Swansong

Swansong
November 1st, 2017 by richardjmann

Dear Mr President

Kak dyela? (Russian for ‘How are you?’}. Now that we are about to be suffoc..sorry, enfolded in a warm embrace by the Russian bear, I’ve brushed up on useful phrases. Has some resonance for us, doesn’t it?

Now that you are about to stroll down the buttercup bordered path to retirement, I’ve racked my deficient brain for an appropriate farewell tribute. To misquote the Troubled Prince, beggar that I am, I am poor even in praise, but here goes. I am reminded of Joe Gargery’s words to Pip in Great Expectations: “Such times we had, eh, Pip, such times” If I’ve mangled the quote, pardon. Atypical, transient, global amnesia has wreaked havoc with my…er, yes, memory. that’s what it’s called. (An insidious ailment that you and your team brought into the light of day - bravo). Talking of expectations, what great expectations we had of you, sir. And you fulfilled them. Storyteller supreme, entertainer, illusionist, magician and escape artist extraordinary. Who cares about the insignificant stuff: leadership, vision…pah.

I previously published excerpts from the song that I wrote in your honour. I had planned to record it for YouTube and for posterity but couldn’t find an under R50 studio, not even in Germiston. then I present the entire song to you. I hope that you will have a string quartet or full orchestra perform it at your farewell.

Rap portion of song:

Me and my friend Mandla
We went down to Nkandla
Hoping to chill with Zuma
But all he said was ‘Phuma’

Said we want to hang with the Guptas
Won’t you introduce ‘em to us
We know you are the prime number
But all he said was ‘Hamba’

We said we want to build a palace
And you’re the man to tell us
We know the folks are jealous
You’ve got the inside track
But all he said was ‘Voetsek’

We said we know you like dancing
Almost as much as romancing
We’ve got the moves like Juluka
But all he said was ‘Suka’

We said we know you are a master
At dodging disaster
We want to take you on a world tour
They’ll all be yelling ‘encore’
You’ve got more skills than Houdini
He just said ‘Bring my mshini’

You’ve got the gift of divination
You know the Book of Revelation
Numbers - ayakwehlula
But you can count the moola
He just said ‘Niyagula,’

This part sung to the tune of ‘Guitar Man’ by Bread

Who draws the crowd and sings so loud
Baby, it’s the Nkandla Man
Who’s going to steal the show, you gotta listen to the Nkandla Man
He has made us laugh and he’s made us cry
We selected him and we don’t know why
Something keeps him giggling
Each and every day
Always has a game to play

Night after night. who shines so bright
Baby, it’s the Nkandla Man
On TV and radio, you gotta listen to the Nkandla Man
When he comes to town, everyone gets down
Cause he’s much more fun than a circus clown
Something keeps him giggling, each and every day
Always has a game to play

Eskom’s lights begin to flicker
And the future’s looking dim
The rand is getting weaker
The economy is grim
But he doesn’t seem to notice, he’s just got to find another game to play
Laugh away, Nkandla Man
Have you day, Nkandla Man

Mr President, I hope that your entire team will be in fine, full voice at your farewell.

Yours in the love of musical tributes

Richard