Coming Up Trumps

Coming Up Trumps

January 11th, 2020 

Dear Mr Trump

So glad and relieved that you did not push us over the brink. Although my debt problems would have been solved, I had rather hoped to achieve a few things before joining the great employment queue in the sky.

Sir, there is one thing that troubles me (actually two; of the second, more later in this friendly letter). Years ago, you said, during a leadership telecast, that one should pursue anyone who has wronged one until satisfaction has been gained - words to that effect. Great leadership advice, sir. Do you still cling to that profound philosophy? If so, there is no point in wishing you a prosperous 2020, as we may not be there to its end.

More troubling sir, is the awkward situation I find myself in. I have written some things about you, all in good, innocent fun. The sort of good humoured joshing between mates. Recent events have had me anxiously scanning the sunny Gauteng skies for hostile drones. On occasion, I have had to dive into a clump of bushes (these grow in profusion in my neighbourhood, what with the municipality being preoccupied with important budget speech celebrations etc.). While quite possibly good physical exercise, this has had a debilitating effect on my neck muscles and nervous system. In addition, I have had to endure stares and head-shaking from complete strangers, who fail to appreciate my perfectly natural responses to life - threatening situations.

Sir, may I propose a similar cessation of hostilities to the one currently in place with those chaps to the east. I am even willing, at great personal sacrifice, to travel over to sign a peace accord (if you can see your way clear to a little financial support for accommodation, travel and some discretionary funds - of course, if you have a spare room in the White House….).

I look forward to hearing from you by more conventional methods than a missive from the skies.

Yours in the crucial quest for world peace.

Richard

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