I knew that you would not disappoint us, your faithful followers, when you finally appeared at the Zondo Commission.
Some fine method acting business that would have made Brando proud - polishing your glasses, shuffling papers etc. I fully expected you to mumble in Brandoesque fashion: 'No state capture, just business.' An eloquent Italian shrug and a manly giggle accompanying that.
The last time I came across so many spies in one place was in a Ludlum collection. You named about half the country. It might have been easier simply to list those who were not spies. I trust that my own name would have been near the top, short contract spells with the CIA and KGB notwithstanding. The fact that you are still standing is testimony to your resilience or their ineptitude. I suppose one just can't find good spies nowadays. I think the bard had you in mind when he wrote: '...they come not single spies, but in batallions.'
You were a man much sinned against, according to your riveting account. Did you mention a former minister of justice as one of those who plotted against you? There's no justice in the world, is there? You also mentioned intelligence agencies. Didn't know we had so many. Didn't know there was enough intelligence to go around.
What made my blood run cold (apart from the Gauteng winter weather) was that devices were reportedly found on your plane. I assume you were referring to devices that go Kaboom in the comic books (as opposed to laptops, USB devices etc.). What cold-hearted monsters would do such a thing? That plane must have cost a fortune in tax revenue.
Well Sir, that you are still with us suggests that the devices were probably bought second-hand in Zimbabwe or at one of our many Primrose pawn shops. We so look forward to more at your next appearance (health permitting). I feared that we might be in for a dry - as- dust session but was delighted that my decision to forego an episode of Game Of Thrones was justified.
Yours in the epic struggle against spies and saboteurs.
Richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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