The Root

Dear Fellow South Africans

“In SA there’s no police brutality”.

“What a relief”, I sighed, though through my designer mask it came out more like: “What a load of steaming bullsh..t!” Remarkable how these masks will distort sound. That probably accounts for half the Kafkaesque stuff I thought I heard from our politicians.

Our minister of police reportedly said so. I believe him. As much as I do crime statistics. I’m sure all the press reports, videos and photos showing otherwise are nothing but a monstrous fake news campaign. Mounted, of course, by enemies of Law and Order. I once saw police roughing up a suspect in downtown Joburg but that must have been mass hypnotism (are there no depths…). The honourable minister is quite rightly concerned about community brutality that may result. Towards police. Yes, that is a worrying thought.

I must congratulate the minister on his, surely, thoroughly researched, groundbreaking discovery that, not money, but liquor is the root of all evil. An epiphany. I’ve often wondered why arrested cash heist criminals, hijackers and assorted villains look pissed out of their minds on TV. Al Capone and his mates must have been downing gallons of the stuff daily.

Just a request, Mr Minister. Please look at us when you do the crime statistics thing on TV. Much as I admire your taste in hats, long shots of the top of your Fedora don’t make for good viewing. A friend said that you were literally talking out of the top of your hat. I’d be happy to provide training on presentation skills at current state tender rates.

Yours in the struggle against villainy, alcohol (except in sanitizers) and other contributors to crime and disorder.

Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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