Dear Fellow South Africans
We’ve had silly season for the past eight or nine years. Perhaps the difference at this time of year is the rash of traditional armed robberies. Who would have thought that villains are sentimental about Christmas?
My neighbour was in the shop at the local garage last night. She placed her order with a fellow who was emptying the till contents into a bag. Perhaps preoccupied with the gathering storm outside, she assumed that he was a member of the management. She asked him to ’shesha’, as the rain was on its way. He laughed and replied that he was ’shesharing’ as much as he could. My neighbour did wonder briefly why one of the other staff members was fixing her with an unblinking stare. The management member exited with his bag and a cheery farewell. Only then, horses departed, did the shop alarms let loose a futile cacophony. My neighbour did have a vague sense, during the spring cleaning of the till that something was out of kilter. This was simply because no-one ever works so fast or enthusiastically in that particular shop. That includes the ATM, which is our of order about three days in every week and on monthends. I doubt whether the robbers had a great haul in that Primrose garage. Perhaps just practice for bigger things. That is, unless our own magnificent Sweeney tracks them down, determined bloodhounds that they are. My neighbour was a little shaken, but having been through four similar episodes this year, recovered quite quickly.
Elsewhere the silliness continues. One of our politicians claimed that attempts had been made to poison, first his mind, then his body. My advice to him is: get a food taster (for a small retainer and handsome danger allowance, I am available). Also, walk softly and carry a. big stick. I have several intricately carved and decorated sticks at Black Friday prices for just such a time.
To you the same advice and offer, fellow South Africans, during this silliest of seasons. Joburg drivers, please remember that rain is a natural phenomenon and won’t harm you if you ease off on the accelerator.
Yours in the struggle against extreme silliness and the love of traditional Christmases.
Richard
We’ve had silly season for the past eight or nine years. Perhaps the difference at this time of year is the rash of traditional armed robberies. Who would have thought that villains are sentimental about Christmas?
My neighbour was in the shop at the local garage last night. She placed her order with a fellow who was emptying the till contents into a bag. Perhaps preoccupied with the gathering storm outside, she assumed that he was a member of the management. She asked him to ’shesha’, as the rain was on its way. He laughed and replied that he was ’shesharing’ as much as he could. My neighbour did wonder briefly why one of the other staff members was fixing her with an unblinking stare. The management member exited with his bag and a cheery farewell. Only then, horses departed, did the shop alarms let loose a futile cacophony. My neighbour did have a vague sense, during the spring cleaning of the till that something was out of kilter. This was simply because no-one ever works so fast or enthusiastically in that particular shop. That includes the ATM, which is our of order about three days in every week and on monthends. I doubt whether the robbers had a great haul in that Primrose garage. Perhaps just practice for bigger things. That is, unless our own magnificent Sweeney tracks them down, determined bloodhounds that they are. My neighbour was a little shaken, but having been through four similar episodes this year, recovered quite quickly.
Elsewhere the silliness continues. One of our politicians claimed that attempts had been made to poison, first his mind, then his body. My advice to him is: get a food taster (for a small retainer and handsome danger allowance, I am available). Also, walk softly and carry a. big stick. I have several intricately carved and decorated sticks at Black Friday prices for just such a time.
To you the same advice and offer, fellow South Africans, during this silliest of seasons. Joburg drivers, please remember that rain is a natural phenomenon and won’t harm you if you ease off on the accelerator.
Yours in the struggle against extreme silliness and the love of traditional Christmases.
Richard
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