The City's Finest

Dear Municipal Police

I must commend you on your professional pragmatic approach to policing. Apparently American officers love doughnuts. You have gone the healthy, nutritious route of KFC, if talk on the street is to be believed. Nothing like white meat to build up and maintain the strength and endurance needed to maintain Law and Order in our sometimes dangerous city. Particularly important now that dangerous illicit smokers and drinkers are on the loose on our streets. Any potential lawbreaker with an ounce of sense is bound to be far more respectful of a chicken licking officer than of a doughnut dunking one.

I have heard scurrilous talk of bribery and corruption, none of which I believe. Whenever I see you in your well tailored uniforms, an aura of professionalism emanates from you like a fine perfume. I myself have never been propositioned. A friend pointed out that I do not drive. That is merely splitting hairs.

Some complain that you are never around during what are euphemistically described as traffic jams. That is eminently sensible. One could get run over by an impatient taxi driver. Besides many jams occur on rainy days. Why spoil the creases on those immaculate uniforms. There will be traffic again tomorrow. I have seen you on occasion clearing a path through the chaos, lights flashing and sirens blaring. It made the waiting more bearable to know that you were on your way to what was probably an even worse traffic jam. A cynical friend said that you were rushing to get to KFC before closing. That's ridiculous. KFC doesn't close.

Another friend told this dubious tale of how he was stopped for a traffic violation. He accidentally passed over a R100 note with his licence.

"Tito speaks for me", he said, clearly just making conversation.
"Tito is whispering", replied the officer. "I can't hear him."

My friend then accidentally handed over a twin to the first note, which according to the officer raised the conversational volume to an acceptable level. This would have been a fine example of the keen wit of our City's finest were it not so implausible. My friend, an accountant, is given to flights of fancy,  so common to those of his profession.

May the force be with you.

Richard