Play It Again, Sam

I was reading the newspaper headlines flashing by as our minibus taxi cruised at a sedate 140 kilometres per hour. A thought struck me at the same time that our taxi struck a vehicle inconsiderately stopped at a red traffic light.

Life is quite easy for our gentlemen and ladies of the press. They could have a bunch of one - size - fits - all headlines ready to go at any time. DA At Sixes And Sevens would be a sure thing. Any day of the week would be fine for Billions Go Missing. Outrage Over Malema Statement could be a weekly staple (though he has been rather subdued lately, perhaps preoccupied with the state of the banking sector). Afriforum Sues could be followed by Afriforum Sues Again. On the international front, one cannot go wrong with Trump Stirs Up A Hornets' Nest. Heaven knows what they will use if the man should actually stumble on a hornets' nest while out walking. Bafana Woes could be a shoe-in for the sports pages. Should our soccer heroes surprise us with a win over, say, Lesotho, the same headline can be used with the Afrikaans or slang meaning of the second word.

My favourite investigative journal, The Daily Sun, must surely have Tokoloshe Terrifies Township in constant readines, along with Star Moers Neighbour and Zombie Runs Amok. On a slow day, they could probably do Tokoloshe And Zombie Run Riot. 

We've been kept well informed on Covid statistics. I suggest the same be done for the kleptopandemic ravaging the land. Perhaps a daily table along the lines of:

  Projects gone belly up             Rxxx

  Tenders from hell                     Rxxx

  Food parcels                             Rxxx

  Redeployed (see note)            Rxxx

  Legacy heists (last 10 years) Rxxx

* Note: redeployed = broad category encompassing brazen theft, fraud, mismanagement, waste etc, etc, etc.                            

While we may not flatten that curve anytime soon, it would surely be an eye-opener to trace its shape. Perhaps that of a rainbow (sans pot of gold).