Dear Mr Former President
Now that time lies lightly or heavily upon your hands, I feel emboldened to make this request.
Ever since your continent-shaking geography lesson, I have been haunted by perplexing questions and shadowy suspicions. To quote the troubled prince: 'Sir, in my soul there was a kind of fighting that would not let me sleep.' You were president. You had at your disposal researchers, academics, the secret service and boundless resources. Do I believe you or my geography teachers? It's a no-brainer. If you say that all other continents can fit into ours, that's good enough for me. If you say that no river runs through it, why then, so it is.
That tells me that our former colonial masters, not content with colonizing our lands, have perpetrated the same perfidy on our minds. Witness the monstrous lies in our geography text books and maps. Typically, Africa is shown at a fraction of her actual size. Anything to make us look small. 'Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery'. I'm with Bob Marley on that one (and Uncle Bob in his time).
To that end, I plan to begin by re-drawing world maps as they should be. My cousin, Joe, is an artist of no mean talent. His works adorn many walls in our Germiston suburb (Philistines call it graffiti). He finishes serving his sentence for so-called 'repeated acts of vandalism' in a few days. We would like you, Mr Former President, to be our patron as we change the course of, if not history, at least a few rivers.
In addition, please do consent to be an expert witness in my lawsuit against my geography teachers and the education establishment. I plan to sue for mental anguish caused, loss of opportunity and income and several other injuries I will have conjured up by the time you read this. To quote from that art classic 'Body Heat': "We'll sue those reckless b#%^ dry".
Yours in the struggle for true, mind-liberating education.
Richard
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