As Sunday slipped by, you popped into my mind with that line from Black Velvet.
I don't know what to make of your fascinating perspective on matters of faith.
Are you perhaps filling the comedy gap that some of our departed politicians left? The kindest interpretation I can put on some of your doings is that you have slightly misread some passages.
'Feed my lambs' did not refer to literally putting your parishioners out to grass.
To the Crocodile Dundee of the clergy, it's 'trample serpents', not 'sample serpents'. Apparently, your congregants find the flavour to be similar to that of chocolate. Cadbury must be worried. What's your own favourite? Peppermint crisp green mamba, perhaps? In similar vein, your drinking petrol seems to go down as smoothly as Coke. I trust that you yourself set the example by consuming your daily litre. With petrol prices what they are, I hope it's true that you charge an entrance fee to your zo..., sorry, services. By the way, would you recommend 93 or 95 for a really smooth drink?
To the gentleman who seems quite preoccupied with underwear and related issues, sir, I know of a quiet, restful place in the Eastern Cape where you can find many friends of a similar persuasion.
Then there's the chap who claims to suck things harmful and unwholesome out of women's breasts. What can one say other than: your theology sucks.
Dear alternative pastors, where on God's green earth did you find people willing to follow you down your rabbit holes? Is there a parallel universe into which you cross from time to time? Could you share with us the source of your inspiration? The Good Book is so rich and complex that one may have missed the doctrines of cleansing by insecticide, free - range grazing, being set free by BP and other mysteries.
Yours in open - mouthed wonder.
Richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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