Masterchef

Dear Ms Mokonyane

I am disappointed. 

Now that you have set the record straight at the Zondo Commission, my idea dies a sudden death.

I read your supposed Christmas grocery list some time ago in The Daily Sun, a publication for which I have a high regard. (After all, it's a special breed of journalist that has the courage to go after zombies, tokoloshes and other creatures that go 'eish' in the night. Anyone can do state capture).

As a committed carnivore, I thought then that you would be the ideal host for a TV cooking programme focusing on meat. I pictured you in a gaily coloured Bosasa apron, sipping on a diet coke from one of the 120 boxes. Smiling into the camera against a backdrop of rows of carcasses, you would, I imagined, begin with:

"Take ten chickens, two lambs and 100 Kg of beef. Saute two bags of onions, add a tub of garlic...."

And that would be the starter. One could almost smell the heavenly aromas wafting from your kitchen. So gripped was I by this vision, that I rushed out to buy R20 worth of award - winning Bapsfontein wors. 

I suppose there's now no point in my pursuing negotiations with the SABC. 

Yours in the quest for fine dining experiences. 

Richard