Dear Msholozi
May I call you that? I feel so close to you, having seen so much of your manly features on TV and having heard your infectious laugh ring out so often as a response to events that would have had lesser presidents reaching for the Prozac or whiskey.
Much has been made of your latest interesting decisions, so I do not wish to bore you with further comment on those matters. Except for this. When you recalled the minister of finance from his investment seminars, I could not understand the upheaval that resulted. I have sometimes been recalled from work seminars when there were problems at the office. Of course my recall did not result in changes in the rand’s value (There was an occasion when I noticed a move of a fraction fo a cent but that was probably just a coincidence). Does not all this recalling perhaps make you just a tiny bit nervous? Just asking.
Enough of politics. I am interested in matters spiritual. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world (or a massive plot in KZN - my words) but suffers the loss of his own soul. I recall reading that a group of wise men of the cloth bestowed on you the mantle of pastor some time ago. I would like to know where and when your flock meets, as I am keenly interested in joining hands and hearts with them. Of course I am glad that you already have an alternative career, as one never knows what may happen in these uncertain times. I have tasted of your wisdom in matters political and look forward to more of the same in the spiritual sphere. Your question as to whether the ANC or the country came first is a riddle as profound as that of the chicken and the egg.
I imagine that you would start our meetings with a vigorous dance and a stirring song, such as “Bring Me My Pulpit”. I look forward to sermons on resisting fleshly desires, spiced with your own wisdom gained from much experience and observation. I can see you waxing lyrical about the Songs of Solomon but imagine that the Book Of Numbers does not count among your favourites. In marriage counselling, your insights would be unparalleled. I am also most impressed at how you have obeyed biblical injunctions on how we are to treat the strangers and foreigners among us. You illustrated and modelled the behaviour expected of us in welcoming the Guptas to what was then a strange land. My dear pastor to be, these are but some of the qualities that you demonstrate, which convince me that you are a man to follow in the spiritual realm.
Like many biblical heroes, you are beset with many troubles. I recall how that slightly rotund fellow once averred that he would die or kill for you - or was it both, probably not in that order. His behaviour toward you now reminds me of that of Absalom (a son of David, just in case you have not yet got that far in your journey from Genesis to Revelation).
You are also clearly a man of the soil. Being of farming stock myself, I am more inclined to trust those who, like the patriarchs of old, tend crops and know how to rear (and braai) livestock. I am sure that your recent cabinet massac - sorry reshuffle - is based on sound farming principles, such as crop rotation. Mind you, with the many changes in the law and order portfolio, we have certainly seen much cop rotation.
You are uniquely able to impart even basic life skills to your congregants. Cleanliness is next to godliness and I understand that you have fascinating insights into the efficacy of daily showers. Such wisdom is only given to those chosen for the great task of spiritual leadership.
Of course, apart from the nourishing spiritual food, I am also looking forward to the aroma of ox on the spit (from the Inkandla kraal), being prepared for the love feast after each service.
Till we meet at the next service.
Yours in the quest for spiritual enlightenment.
Richard
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