Dear Mr President
How could we have so completely misunderstood you? When you promised good stories, we foolishly assumed that you were referring to ANC successes to come.
I now see it all clearly. You were actually referring to good old bedtime stories or the campfire variety. You know; the tales that have one shivering deliciously on a dark night, sighing with pleasure or clutching one’s midriff with mirth. Well, sir, you certainly delivered.
Your fairy tales have just brushed the brothers Grimm aside into second place. Wondrous taverns materialize out of thin air, treasure troves and ministers appear and disappear, placid swimming pools are transformed into fire pools, a shadowy clique captures a whole country……we are breathless.
The story that has a special place in my heart is that of your friendship and kindness to a family in their time of gree..sorry, need. It is an appealing mixture of the stories of the David and Jonathan friendship bond and that of the Good Samaritan. Who would not lend a friend a handy airbase in time of need? You shunned all recognition and let others take the credit for this unselfish act. I was moved, if not to tears, at least to the bathroom. Readers will be spared further detail. Bravo, sir. You took the notion of mi casa es su casa to new heights. Some say it’s more mi pais es su pais (my country is your country). Bring me your huddled masses, yearning to be rich, or is it free?
Of course, no great collection is complete without those romantic stories that have us in raptures of delight. A minister was allegedly part of a love triangle. If he could manage that successfully, then I have no doubt that our economic woes are a thing of the past. Another minister allegedly expressed his devotion via social media, the billet doux of the twenty-first century. I am not sure what sexting means but I assume that it refers to the sort of romantic message one might find in a Jane Austin novel. I can see him composing something along the lines of: “All I need do now is to convince you of the violence of my affection.” (Apologies to Jane). The ladies were not excluded in this our equal – opportunity society. I vaguely recall that a lady got into some difficulty when the lines between romantic and business relationships became somewhat blurred. It was heartwarming to see her comrades supporting her in her time of difficulty. I think frequent travel on shopping, I mean, state trips has broadened our outlook and the comrades have adopted the French tolerance for anything stemming from affairs of the heart. It surely warms the cockles of one’s heart. For those who struggled with biology at school, the cockles are in the general vicinity of the left ventricle. A doctor at our Thursday mental health clinic explained this to me. (I think he was a doctor. He had a white lab coat to go with his Napoleon – style hat and his hand was lodged inside his jacket, where I assume he kept his sthetescope.)
All this heady stuff was leavened by some rollicking comedy. Who can forget the state of the nation addresses, where the speaker played straight man / woman to your funny man role? The sessions had us rolling in the aisles. Some MPs were also rolling in the aisles, for different reasons. My only complaint is about the badly choreographed fight scenes. The exception was the lady who wielded her shoe like a broadsword in an epic battle scene from Lord Of The Rings. She is a shoe-in for a role in the movie that must inevitably follow. Steven Seagal has expressed keen interest in the Malema role. Some make-up and a little work on the accent should do wonders.
There are stories of heroism (Hlaudi at the bridge), suspense (and suspensions), magic and mystery and more, too numerous for one post.
Great stories, Mr. President. Roll over Arabian Nights, Tolstoy, Shakespeare, Mills and Boon and all the rest. Department of Arts and Culture, what an opportunity to dazzle the world with our collection of wondrous stories.
Yours in the quest for tantalizing tales.
Richard
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