I Had A Dream

Had A Dream
Monday, May 18th, 2020

Dear Fellow South Africans

I am seeking help from a qualified, experienced interpreter of dreams. Last night’s dream seemed to me even more significant than the recent one in which five thin Nandos chickens ate up five fat Nandos chickens (lemon and herb spices).

I was relaxing on my favourite couch (my only one), watching a rerun of one of the president’s announcements, which was in Serbo-Croat. Sipping on a R30 Castle Lager, I was also puffing on a R10 RG cigarette and reading ‘Think And Grow Rich On The Black Market’. Buckets of potato, raisin and pineapple brew burbled quietly in the background. There was an ear - shattering explosion and NDZ rushed in in full SWAT gear, followed by a similarly clad Bheki Cele, stylish hat perched above his night-vision goggles.

‘On the floor!’ they yelled in all eleven official languages, scooping up my RG and Castle. A three-way tug of war ensued. Mr Cele was shouting out crime statistics, while NDZ rapped something about zol and dirty cigarettes.

Fear giving me turbocharged wings, I scooted out and into the deserted street. Followed by cries of ‘You’re breaking the exercise curfew’, I dodged into a dark alleyway. Councillors kept popping out of doorways holding out vouchers and food parcels, yelling out prices like stock market traders. Just as the light from a street ahead penetrated the gloom, I heard the ominous hum of a drone overhead. A sinister, orange - haired figure blocked the entrance to the street, brandishing a syringe, which I somehow knew was filled with sanitizer. I whirled around, fell over my own feet and awoke on the floor, gasping for breath.

My waking hours are haunted by memories of this portentous dream. Please let me have your interpretation soonest. I am willing to part with two litres of pineapple brew as payment.

Yours in the struggle to venture beyond the dream curtain.

Richard