Dear Ruling Party
I, Honest Joe, chairperson of the Federation of Alternative Retail Traders (FART), wish to convey our sincere thanks and appreciation.
My WhatsApp and assorted messaging apps have never been this busy. Business is booming. My spouse even suspected that I was heavily involved in extramarital shenanigans. Fortunately, I was able to convince her, before she contacted ‘Uyajola’, that’s it’s just business, not personal.
It has been proven beyond a doubt that in South Africa ‘n boer maak ‘n plan - and so do the smokers and connoisseurs of fine liquors. Of course, this was inevitable. Our market research and scenarios sketched by our futurists clearly indicated that the mother of bull markets was on its way. I’m sure you do similar stuff.
Take nicotine. The stuff is addictive. This is not the US Marines. All those smokers were clearly not going to snap to attention and yell ‘Sir, yes sir’. I’m sure that all those wise heads realized that. We see ourselves as providing a valuable service at a modest profit. Angels of mercy may not be stretching it too far. At a fee, of course. Who knows what desperate smokers may resort to? Consider us the buffer between society and a potential Boxer Tobacco rebellion.
We have been empowered as never before. It goes without saying that some of the profits will be ploughed into our social responsibility fund, once we get around to putting one together.
You have our vote in the next election.
Yours in the struggle for ethical business practice.
Honest Joe
Chairperson: FART
Chairperson: FART
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