The Charge Of The Slight Brigade

The Charge Of The Slight Brigade
Saturday, May 27th, 2017

Dear ANC Cabinet Ministers and MPs

My dear comrades and leaders, I salute you. Please clear up for all of us South Africans a mystery as deep as the riddle of the sphinx. Your loyalty to JZ is most touching but we would love to know what it is that engenders this deep devotion, not unlike that enjoyed by Uncle Bob across the border.

I have tried to reason this out with as much success as the DA have had in having a vote of no confidence go their way. I wondered if it might be his charisma and skills as an orator but even the blindly loyal must concede that Martin Luther King Junior he is not. His frequent losing brawls with numbers larger than ten tend to exacerbate the situation. Pardon, that is harsh. Larger than twenty. Apart from his startling theory on the benefits of showers, we have heard very little that is thought — provoking from his lips. I suppose he could follow Mbeki’s poetic ‘I am an African’ speech with his own ‘I am a clean African’ version. One good thing is that. should he decide to publish his own ‘Mein Kampf’ or ‘Umshini Wami”, the publishers will be able to do a very cheap run - all five pages, including the index.

I can understand loyalty in the face of a losing run. I support the Sharks and Manchester United loyally and they have also caused us a great deal of angst from time to time. The difference is that they do score and they do win at least sometimes. Your man has had so many yellow and red cards that it is a mystery that he is allowed on the reserve bench, let alone captaining the team and being handled like the Lionel Messi of the organisation.

Could it be his down-home-on-the-farm, man of the people, easygoing manner? I have a neighbour Koos who fits that description. I am fond of him but would not support him as candidate for the highest post in the land (particularly since he spotted Elvis, alive and well in Pofadder). Maybe the infectious giggle? Comrades, a Trevor Noah DVD would have the same effect. I do have a few old ones that I could lend you. We cannot point to a record of delivery as your man comes a distinct second to Mr Delivery,who at least drops off my and some of your office holders’ KFC in time. He also costs a lot less and I am confident that his activities will not have a negative effect on the national economy or our image as a country. Not even if he mixes my Streetwise Two order with the slightly larger one of one of your office bearers in the Northern Cape. I think most of the country would relate to my bafflement at the pied piper - like influence that the Great One exerts. Not that I am comparing anyone to the creatures that he led into the German river.

I cannot help but think of you all in terms of the charge of the light brigade, celebrated in poetry and on the silver screen. Unfortunately, that did not end well. Yours is rather more like a discharge than a charge - a continuous leaking of something most unpleasant and toxic. I am compelled to borrow from the famous verse:

Theirs not to question why
Theirs but to do and die
Into the valley of debt
Rode the six hundred
Carnage to left of them
Carnage to right of them

Of course those gallant, tragic cavalrymen were not risking taxpayer money or the future and honour of their country in that futile charge. Admittedly they should have had the sense to tell their idiotic commanders to do some biologically impossible things with themselves. It would have saved lives. I don’t suppose any of our slight brigade might want to at least question the orders in this case? It might just stop the discharge.

Yours in the struggle for sanity.

Richard

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