Dear First Lady
My admiration for you has not merely grown but mushroomed like the aftermath of a nuclear explosion.
There we were, thinking that all you ever did was shop at Harrods and its Zimbabwean equivalent (apart from sorting out the odd, troublesome vice-president, that is).
With the suddenness of a lightning strike out of a clear sky, you have revealed a hitherto hidden, yet fascinating facet. I had no idea that you were a ZSEAL of supreme skill and talent. For those less familiar with military terminology. a member of the Zimbabwean Sea, Air And Land teams, similar to the US navy SEALS. Obviously, far superior, as you have so astonishingly demonstrated.
Your daring raid into the dark and dangerous terrain of Sandton hotels makes the SEAL raid on Osama’s compound look like the Teddy Bears’ picnic by comparison.
You had no need of helicopter gunships, support teams or even weapons as you slipped into and out of the secret war zone under the very noses of officialdom. The raid was planned and executed with the sublime simplicity characteristic of the great, historic commando raids. How bitterly the Israelis must regret not having consulted you about Entebbe.
Not being one to waste opportunity, I have already discussed with JZ, Donald and the British premier with the forgettable name how we might organise the joint training of our special forces under your gracious supervision. I could not help but notice that you are also an expert in the mysterious martial art of improvised weapons. I am sure that a teaspoon or salt cellar in your hands would have been just as effective as the cord or cabling that I read about.No wonder you had no need of anything as crude as smuggled weapons or caches in Sandton townhouses. Incidentally, you have given a whole new flavour to the concept of cable news. Without revealing military secrets, would you care to share with us what dan you have achieved in this arcane style of fighting?
Grace Under Fire is a popular TV series. Grace On Fire will eclipse it. Finding a lead actress who is a composite of Grace Jones, Chuck Norris and Angelina Jolie will pose some challenges. After all, a woman of your talent is as rare as an ANC minister who admits to having a cosy relationship with the Family. We are holding our breath.
Talking of breath, the mere thought of your meticulous planning, cool courage and awesome fighting skills takes mine away.
Breathlessly yours in support of elite fighting men and women.
Richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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