Dear Fellow South Africans
I’m sure that, like me, many of you are spending far more time than usual on social media. It has been educational.
I’ve gained kilogrammes just admiring the mouth-watering meals people put on display. This is looking much more like a chow down than a lockdown. I have carefully noted down each address and checked that the GPS on my android is in good working order. Just a fun exercise. I could have sworn that I even caught a hint of a curry aroma on one occasion but it must have been my fevered imagination - lockdown fever.
Other fleshly matters. A lady asked me to supply pictures of parts of my anatomy. She might have been a medical student, innovatively using technology. I carefully weighed up the call of charity against that of modesty (and there was probably much to be modest about, to misquote someone). Modesty won. Two gentlemen offered services of a somewhat unusual nature. Years ago, a friend responded to a similar advance with; “Sir, I don’t have the facility to accommodate you”. I merely declined politely before defriending them, as both sent pictures one would just as soon avoid before breakfast. What is this obsession with dangling bits of one’s anatomy before strangers? Not a side effect of the viral infection, I hope.
A few people tried to interest me in forex trading but dissolved into fits of laughter when I told them how much I could afford. A persistent lady wanted to see for herself. I showed her. She wept. I fear that she has been scarred for life.
I’ve had many conversations of a less spicy nature, notable for the friendliness and optimism of my fellow South Africans.
There have been conspiracy theories enough to keep connoisseurs of that sort of stuff in
raptures. James Bond, where are you when we really need you?
Astonishingly, there were also several videos of people in our streets in the uniforms of police officers and soldiers, who were clearly neither, judging by their behaviour. I hope they are arrested soon.
Yours in the struggle to stay home, safe and healthy.
Richard
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