South Africa has indeed become a land of opportunity. As a committed citizen who hums the national anthem at least twice weekly, I want to open your eyes, my fellow South Africans to the opportunity that awaits you like dew on the morning grass, which the municipality has again neglected to cut.
Prophet Moosa, Doctor Aisha and Professor Joseph, among others, assure me in a four page spread of advertisements in one of our dailies, that for a paltry investment of R200, I can have delivered to me the princely sum of R45 233.50. This bounty will be delivered by short boys or rats (or presumably both if I so desire?). The fact that these learned folk have calculated the amount to the nearest cent assures me of their bona fides, banishing any doubts I might otherwise have had. Clearly, they have carefully taken into account the precise amount your average rat or short boy can manage in one delivery.
I, of course, being rather parsimonious by nature and heritage, would not have spent money on advertising nor time on tracking R200 EFTs as they come rolling in. I would simply have short boys and rats swarming all over my house at all hours, making deliveries. Well, not all hours. As a responsible employer, I would give due regard to the Basic Conditions of Employment Act or at least a nod in that general direction. These learned men and women are obviously for more public spirited than I am. I salute you prophets, doctors, professors and all your fine colleagues. Surely a Pro Patria medal is in order for each of these exemplary South African citizens. Mr President, knowing of your propensity for reading profound, intellectual material, I trust that you are even now reading this and taking note
On reading all four pages of these inspiring public announcements, I reached for my mobile to call Dr Aisha without delay, when I was assailed by several troubling questions arising like poisonous mushrooms after a Gauteng thunderstorm:
Do we need an appointment so that I am home to receive the couriers or do they have some mysterious means of gaining entrance and making their deliveries?
Does one offer the short boys refreshments after delivery?
How do I distinguish between courier rats and their disgusting cousins? I would hate to be the cause of the demise of one of these noble creatures in the execution of its duties
Would the rats be content with a piece of stale cheddar as a tip?
Do I declare this income?
If so, how?
I have yet to see a line item on my tax form asking me to declare ‘income earned from short boys and / or rats during the tax period under review’
Prophet Moosa, Doctor Aisha and Professor Joseph, among others, assure me in a four page spread of advertisements in one of our dailies, that for a paltry investment of R200, I can have delivered to me the princely sum of R45 233.50. This bounty will be delivered by short boys or rats (or presumably both if I so desire?). The fact that these learned folk have calculated the amount to the nearest cent assures me of their bona fides, banishing any doubts I might otherwise have had. Clearly, they have carefully taken into account the precise amount your average rat or short boy can manage in one delivery.
I, of course, being rather parsimonious by nature and heritage, would not have spent money on advertising nor time on tracking R200 EFTs as they come rolling in. I would simply have short boys and rats swarming all over my house at all hours, making deliveries. Well, not all hours. As a responsible employer, I would give due regard to the Basic Conditions of Employment Act or at least a nod in that general direction. These learned men and women are obviously for more public spirited than I am. I salute you prophets, doctors, professors and all your fine colleagues. Surely a Pro Patria medal is in order for each of these exemplary South African citizens. Mr President, knowing of your propensity for reading profound, intellectual material, I trust that you are even now reading this and taking note
On reading all four pages of these inspiring public announcements, I reached for my mobile to call Dr Aisha without delay, when I was assailed by several troubling questions arising like poisonous mushrooms after a Gauteng thunderstorm:
Do we need an appointment so that I am home to receive the couriers or do they have some mysterious means of gaining entrance and making their deliveries?
Does one offer the short boys refreshments after delivery?
How do I distinguish between courier rats and their disgusting cousins? I would hate to be the cause of the demise of one of these noble creatures in the execution of its duties
Would the rats be content with a piece of stale cheddar as a tip?
Do I declare this income?
If so, how?
I have yet to see a line item on my tax form asking me to declare ‘income earned from short boys and / or rats during the tax period under review’
I have decided to pay the esteemed doctor a personal visit so as to discuss these and other pertinent questions. En route, I plan to make a quick detour to the rooms of Professor Sizabantu to have parts of my anatomy lengthened, thickened, rounded or reduced, also for a negligible investment of R200.
Now that’s what I call redistribution of wealth.
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
Capitec Bank, South Africa
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O Tichmann
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https://www.amazon.com/Richard--J-Mann/e/B085P3QPMH?ref_=pe_1724030_132998060
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