I saw an advertisement for a secret fat burner. Is there secret fat? Why would anyone want to burn it if it’s secret?
Thought we’d take another break from politics. My head swims. Just when I thought I’d seen it all with JZ, Hlaudi, Uncle Bob and the whole gang, along comes Princess Grace, Southern Africa’s own iron lady and highly trained SZEAL. Her cross - border raid will surely adorn the pages of history books alongside the Jamieson Raid, among others.
Almost as fascinating are some of the advertisements I’ve seen lately. One of the older ones boldly, announced that ‘nothing sucks like Electrolux’. What were they thinking? Were they thinking?
Among my favourites are advertisements like the one punting a magical ring that will give you anything you want. Stuff and nonsense. I saw Frodo burn that ring. I responded to the short boys and rats advertisement, but have yet to take delivery of the promised R565674.55. I did see a rat once in my kitchen but delivering money seemed to be the last thing on his mind. I did wonder, after despatching him to the rat equivalent of paradise (a sort of celestial downtown Jo’burg?), whether I might have made a ghastly mistake. As for short boys. I have seen lots of them but they were all on their way to school. I wait in anticipation.
Facebook is full of advertisements promising anything from 100% to 500% profit on your R300 investment after two days or a week, if you join the Siyizigebengu or other group. One’s chances are about the same as Hlaudi’s for the presidency, JZ’s for honourary DA membership for life and Uncle Bob’s for a knighthood.
There is a ‘double the data’ advertisement from a cellphone company but I missed the ‘none of the data’ advertisement from the other provider. Charming advertisement from SARS, featuring a gentleman wearing the latest in handcuffs. They are clearly very knowledgeable on motivational theory, perhaps the latest North Korean research findings? Or is it the Trump school of leadership thought? I have tried the gum, sweets, cold drinks. No explosions of colour (just a bottle once, left too long in the freezer), no refreshing showers, gigantic bouncing balls, bracing breezes through my thinning hair - nada. Not one to give up easily. I am going out to buy all of those products again and this time, I will read the directions more carefully
The advertisement I would love to see on South African television (maybe ANN7, Mr Manyi?), would go something like:
‘If you join our party today, we will deliver to you hard working, committed, communicative candidates, without the bull droppings
Wait, there’s more. If you call within the next hour, we will throw in regular constituency feedback meetings, without the bull droppings.
There’s more, if you call now, we promise to serve and protect your rights to the very best of our ability.
There’s more…’
Incidentally, I loved the ANC’s scorecard on the opposition. Rather like the class dunce scoring his classmates.
Finally, is it just me or is there something fundamentally unhinged about people who advertise abortions and male member enlargement side by side on the same poster?
We have the Loerie Awards for excellence in advertising. I propose a pigeon droppings award in tandem.
As promised, no politics.
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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