Dear Mr Molefe
I have often seen you at that famous establishment in Saxonwold but have been hesitant to introduce myself as you give off an impressive aura of power and magnetism. Of course, I detected this because I was born with a veil and two handkerchiefs.
I am pleased to have been spot on. I read about your tremendous achievement - oh, my prophetic soul, to quote the Bard’s troubled prince. I admire Collins Letsoalo for his record-breaking increase but your coup takes the vetkoek. Did you really earn a diamond encrusted, golden handshake from Eskom of R30 000 000? After eighteen months’ work? I hope I have the zeros right - perhaps Msholozi can help? Your achievement should surely go down in the annals of history alongside such great moments as the first flight by the Wright Brothers. Good to see that a Brother is doing it again. I did wake up in darkness several times in the past month or two and had to take cold showers (I adhere strictly to the presidential example, daily showers, that is). I am sure that the reward is partly for your role in keeping us awake and alert with these power cut drills, just as any responsible company would carry out fire drills from time to time.
I should think though that the dazzling coal deal must be regarded as your crowning achievement. I am somewhat puzzled by the intricacies of that deal. There is an allegation that Eskom allowed the gentlemen concerned to divert coal from a site with a lower coal price to one with a higher price. Of course it is to be expected that ordinary mortals like me would struggle with the complexities of this brilliant deal, which to the untrained eye seems to have lost Eskom money. I am sure that you could explain the deeper, strategic issues with absolute clarity and I hope we can do so over a cup of tea at that watering hole that you and I frequent. I also read that Eskom advanced the new company a significant sum of money to guarantee supplies. This is precisely the logic I have been explaining to Pick n Pay in trying to get them to advance me grocery money.
Of course I plan to sue both my math teachers and the business school I attended as I hold them responsible for my inability to understand that deal, so important to the South African taxpayer. I have already burned their worthless certificates with my braai fuel. I am hoping that you will assist me in my suit as an expert witness. I am certain that you will dazzle the judge and any lawyer foolish enough to oppose us with your arcane arguments and irrefutable logic. I fully expect to be awarded a similar sum to the one which you recently pocketed.
Now that you have been sworn in as an MP, I am sure that you will rock the house. Our new finance minister will be glad of your advice and your novel but highly effective approach to matters financial.
I know that it is not the money that matters to you but service to the beloved country. Those millions must be a terrible burden to you and I am prepared to relieve you of the mill.. sorry burden and to offer some suggestions on lucrative and useful investments. I am on a tight schedule but will always make time for men such as you. I have in mind a tripe and trotters fast food outlet for one, which we could later franchise. We could establish an upmarket version at that fine establishment that we both frequent - tripe, truffles and trotters. I see us moving on to a similar venture with ’skop’ - ox head for non-gourmets. With your talent and some of my ideas, the outer galaxies are the limit. I can already see us popping champagne corks in Saxonwold as our cuisine sweeps through the stomachs of the continent and beyond.
Until then, I am
Yours in the struggle for transparent, efficient business
Richard
https://www.amazon.com/Richard--J-Mann/e/B085P3QPMH?ref_=pe_1724030_132998060
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