Kung Fu
March 4th, 2017 by richardjmann
Dear Julius
I have long been an ardent admirer of yours. To quote from a song: “You are the wind beneath my wings,”….or something. At any rate, wind certainly comes into it.
I must, however, express my disapproval and disgust at the behaviour of your team during the State of the Nation addresses. I refer specifically to the inept, uncoordinated, unskilled fighting on display. I truly expected much more of an organisation in whose name the word ‘fighters’ features so prominently. On the brighter side, yours is the only party that truly understands and lives out the words of our anthem: ‘Let us live and fight (strive) for freedom….’ So let us not dwell on the shortfalls of the past but instead look boldly forward to a very different future.
As a former consultant to luminaries such as Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris and Jean Claude van Damme (Is he still alive? I vaguely heard some rather disturbing lyrics in a local song), I am ready, dear Boy, to guide you and your team to epic victories in the house.
Churchill vowed to fight them on the beaches and everywhere else (except Germany). We shall fight them on the benches. I propose that we hold a first strategic / tactical meeting at my place. Do bring along those on your leadership team who are of similar build to that ANCYL fellow named after a popular soft drink concentrate. With training, I am sure that they will be able to pull their considerable weight in the loose mauls.
Also, please bring a bottle or two of an 18 year old malt that you have more than a nodding acquaintance with. My own supplier only has stocks of the ten year old stuff and I would hate to lower the tone of our inaugural meeting.
I also plan to invite young Mmusi over to express my disquiet at the craven behaviour of his party. The opposition should oppose but instead they left the house without even a feeble jab thrown in anger. Now if they had used their departure as a a feint and then suddenly encircled the antagonists in Shaka’s famous ‘horns of the ox’ move, things would have been very different. Those boys in white would never have known what or who hit them (it’s always the white boys, isn’t it?)
This is but one example of the kind of tactical wisdom that I plan to empower your team with. The wisdom of Sun Tzu, from his classic work ‘The Art of War’ will feature prominently in our discussions. There will be martial arts training. This is an African problem and it requires an African solution. With this in mind, I have already adapted the famed dragon style of fighting. We will be using the quagga and wildebeest styles, so devastating in close quarter fighting.
My dear Julius. Let us restore dignity to the house. No more of this scrapping like fishwives. Let us learn from the strategies that resulted in glorious victories at Isandlwana, Waterloo, the blitzkrieg through Europe (perhaps forget the last one) and many others too numerous to mention here. I fully expect to see style and grace as your disciplined troops unleash the elegant ferocity of our Africanised martial arts.
Julius, there are few things that I desire more than to see your name emblazoned alongside that of your Roman namesake, as the brilliant general who engineered a famous victory at the siege of the SONA.
I look forward to our imminent meeting.
Yours in combat and in victory.
richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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