Dear Mr President
On contemplating the new law on marijuana, it became clear to me that our ever-caring government would never legalize anything harmful. I then resolved to do the proof of the pudding test. Expert friends recommended Durban Poison or Eastern Cape Gold, as well as some over the border varieties. You will be glad to know that I remained proudly South African and being, like you, from KZN, tried the coastal herb.
It was on my third inhalation that I had an epiphany that sent me running to the internet cafe to dash off this letter, yelling all the while, ‘Eureka’ which is Greek for ‘Eish’.
It struck me that being the caring, bold leader that you are, you would never allow your people to be exposed to something that you yourself have not tried and tested (the shower cure being a classic example). Is it possible, Mr President, that this explains your bouts of hilarity at matters that are not even remotely funny to everyone else? Do you hear ‘pay back the money’ through a haze of pungent smoke? How funny those red berets and uniforms must seem, seen in that greenish glow in one’s deeper consciousness. I am surprised that you are still able to maintain a modicum of self - control. Those tennis - like exchanges of ‘Honourable Member, please take your seat’ could be an absolute riot, probably floating through the the house in slow motion and comically distorted.
I assume that, if all this is true, you have also shared the herb with your team. This would provide the only logical explanation for the otherwise bizarre comments in response to our achieving junk status. In the wonderful world of the weed, those comments would not only make perfect sense but would be invested with a profound, Confucian wisdom. I imagine that at such herb parties, the nationwide protests would have you all chuckling and the cabinet massacre would have you rolling on the floor with uncontrolled and uncontrollable mirth. What fun.
Mr President, may I caution you against including some team members in such parties, as their decisions and actions are already quite spaced out. By all means, include selected members. This might lead to some innovative initiatives such as service delivery, good governance and compassion for the disadvantaged in South Africa (the elderly, the unemployed, those on grants etc.). Admittedly, these are unusual, foreign concepts to most of you but they work elsewhere and with your popularity lower than Donald’s right now, who knows ….
Finally, Mr President, a personal request. Some of my friends would love to have a peace pipe session with you in those rolling hills and promise to provide top quality coastal herb. Please let us know when you are available.
Incidentally, I always thought the beautiful lyricism of ‘How Green Was My Valley’ was uniquely Welsh. Silly me - I should have realised from the title. You might want to use that in a speech sometime. It would probably make more sense than anything else you have said to date.
Yours in peace and harmony
Richard
No comments:
Post a Comment